I first ran into Charlie in March 2000 on a chess/chat server. From then until November 2004, I played her 280 games of chess, winning all but 40. She tried hard to play well, taking her time with the moves, but chess skill doesn't come easily to everyone — effort notwithstanding.

At the time, Charlie was a mortgage broker. These were the days when money for American housing was fast and easy: Charlie earned as much in a month as I made all year. She left her employer over some interpersonal company politics at some point, figuring that she could run her own business or work with some people/firms that she had gotten to know. Somehow, none of this came to pass.

Charlie's father was Ray La Fontaine, one-time reporter and author of the book Oswald Talked. Ray was diagnosed with brain cancer in 2004 and subsequently died from its effects. Charlie had a close relationship with her dad and, therefore,  was utterly devastated by the events.

Around this time, I moved from running a chess/chat server to maintaining a chat-only environment. Charlie was one of only three other people making this transition that were still coming to visit earlier this year. Becoming comfortable with the medium over time, she had herself invited to other such servers. Her flair for engaging folk in fun banter made her a popular online acquaintance.

Charlie's real life seemed somewhat more problematic. She often spoke of employment possibilities but nothing seemed to ever come of it. Supposedly she was seeing some money come her way in an online hits4pay scheme but I don't know how important an income actually was to her welfare. When Barack Obama ran for president, she devoted herself to his election — spending untold sums of her own money on free T-shirt giveaways and similar acts of selfless — some might say foolish — exuberance.

The backdrop to all this was a fallen-apart marriage and the subsequent search for a new partner. A significant chat that I had with Charlie back in March hinted at her disposition to deal with the matter head-on. In July, she sent me pictures of herself and her then-current boyfriend. Things appeared to be just fine. We had a short chat on August 13: I told her to drop by more often. The next (and last) time she visited was on September 22: Unfortunately, I was afk.

Some weeks ago, a rumour emerged that she had taken her own life. We refused to believe it but on Wednesday I found a reference to the event. The following day, communications from others confirmed the sad news: On October 19, Charlie "passed away", thirty-six days after turning forty.

Charlie was what I would call a "magical" thinker. There was a core of Catholic superstition augmented by whatever took her fancy. In many ways her beliefs were the antithesis of a critical-thinking strategy, but I understand that this is normal in humanity. She had great regard for how she appeared to others and when she shared a photo of herself, it was likely to elicit a compliment. Aging could not have been her friend.

There was a time when Charlie talked of having children but it was not to be. I believe that she struggled to quit smoking once or twice but this also seemed beyond her control. She was on medication for depression, often a problematic way to solve one's woes, fraught with its own poorly understood dangers. I know that Charlie saw me as a father-substitute, especially after her own dad died, but my matter-of-fact no-bullshit honesty would not have helped her fragile ego gain the kind of traction that many people (for assorted reasons) seem to need. For someone who appeared to have a lot of friends, Charlie was intrinsically (and tragically) alone.

The photo of a young melancholy Charlie that I used for this entry deserves perhaps to be offset with this more pleasant memory from her childhood. Both pictures were captured by Charlie's father and I know that Charlie liked them a lot.

About "particle kitty"... Charlie used the word particle in the sense of "irritant", or something similar. Why she might call herself particlekitty, I am not entirely sure. Charlie did have several felines and was fond of showing off her Hello-Kitty avatars. The cat-face evolved out of her chess nicknames: Cat, Miss Kitty, caT, and finally (August 2001)  caT=^. .^= She was careful to put a space between the eyes so that it would look right.